They say everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I am convinced that I believe in that statement while other times, I am really dubious of its authenticity. I’ll never know.
It’s been months, almost close to a year, since I met you and asked you if I could ask you out, for the first time; whilst we were in the taxi back home. I remember it as fresh as yesterday, when you’d said “yes, you can”. You didn’t look me in the eye. I imagined you were shy. Would you believe if I said I could sense it? I guess that is one of the most indelible moments of my life.
Somewhere down the line, it all completely died off. Like a defective firework which had a fiery beginning. Perhaps all of it was for the best, or it was just a sly, brutal move from the universe. A sucker punch.
I don’t know what would be more wistful, that when eventually I get a new phone I’d know better not to save your number (I know that you won’t), or the fact that I’d recollect that once upon a time, I had done so; typed in your name and punched in a photograph of you as the contact picture; the one you had sent me one day when you were feeling particularly flirtatious.
Or perhaps years from now when I’ll come across Ustad Sultan Khan singing “Leja Leja” on my shuffled playlist, I’d still want to look you up on Facebook and would rummage through my personal files to read our conversations that I had so zealously saved and perhaps then, I’d be restless to dial your number to simply see whether you are still using it. Probably you won’t be. It’s unlikely isn’t it?. I guess so.
Yet, I am certain that you will be there in my mind, fresh as new.
I read an article once, which said that every time we recall a memory we are actually recollecting not the actual incident but accessing the last time we had thought of it. I have pondered over it a lot of times, and I can say that I am sure I can recollect you exactly the way you were that day.
I was so certain we met for a reason. Perhaps someday I’ll know. I’ll wait. But if you were meant to be in my life simply passing through and if I was aware of this, I would’ve made a clever excuse to take your hand in mine, in the courtyard of that shopping mall after you finished your phone call, and I would’ve gazed into your eyes for a minute or two longer, and steal away a few more moments from the Universe to savour them in time to come.